Thursday, April 25, 2013

Race, and other awkward moments, in Norway


Norway has been homogeneous for most of its history, save for the last fifty years when immigration has steadily increased.

For the most part, things run smoothly here and there is very little negative interactions.  However, as is the case virtually all over the planet, certain *ahem* stereotypes still exist.  Which leads to awkward moments...

For example, the other day I was taking the trykk and, as so often happens, it was packed and I was the only non-ethnic Norwegian in the section.  The overhead automated announcement, which usually just mumbles the next destination, does so and also issues a cryptic message to "be weary of pickpockets".



I know some of you readers will think I was imagining this, but about a dozen pairs of eyes immediately turned in my direction with suspicion.

I usually try to smile or pretend to be oblivious, but I'm not.

Here, however, is an interesting aside and difference from most of the world.  While the same situation would/does happen in every other corner of the globe, here in Norway the situation completely changes when one simple fact is introduced.

I start speaking English.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in stores, restaurants, and other settings in addition to public transport and by merely speaking my native tongue, I go from being just another dark skinned foreigner to an American.  For the most part, those that ignored me reach out and attempt to connect with me.  Frowns become smiles.  Looks of contempt become curious questions.  It is really an astounding transformation.

Though, don't get it twisted, I'm still an outsider.


Norwegians are very proud... Of their culture, country, and, secretly, themselves.  They want to know how I find their country because they know everything about mine and, naturally, find their homeland superior.  It's reassuring to have an outside person collaborate those thoughts.  Aldous Huxley once wrote "Philosophy is the finding of reason and proof what one naturally believes off instinct.

OTHER WEEKLY HIGHLIGHTS:

- Norway can be cost-prohibitive... It cost me 100 USD to obtain the following items: 6 trips on the public transportation, a frozen pizza, 3 liters (101 ounces... or 8.5 American beer cans) of beer, and a haircut.  My haircut is fresh, btw

- Russ season, like escobar season, has returned.  The kids are out in their red, blue, black, and green overalls.  The ID checks for beer have increased.

- I just found out that Iggy Azalea is white... that has nothing to do with anything, just thought that I should mention

ALT FOR NORGE



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Thursday, April 18, 2013

Return of the Bieber and a Champion

Norway is a confusing place.

Statue from Vingeland Park
For as many similarities as there are to the states, there are that many differences.

But, when it comes to teen heartthrobs, there is no culture gap.  Which is a shame because Norway has produced such great pop music... ABBA, Miike Snow,  Ace of Base, First Aid Kit (wait... those are all Swedish?!?!  Oh.  Well, there's always A-HA).


Above is the scene from last year when Bieber blessed Oslo with his bangs.  As I informed you all, dear readers, it was a catastrophe.  The mayor hid in a retail store to avoid being trampled by hordes of Norwegian tweens chasing their idol.  Traffic was disrupted for hours.  Police were outnumbered and overrun (I swear, I think there was an hour or two of martial law declared).  It was pure chaos.

So how could the Biebs possibly top that?

He threw three, back-to-back-to-back concerts that created such a demand that they not only sold out in minutes, but causes school districts to re-arrange their testing dates.  Caught off-guard and slightly embarrassed, Oslo's finest vowed to take their revenge (ok... they didn't come off as menacing, but it was the general sentiment).

How did it go?


Well, it was interesting...

Things started off in favor of the Bieberization when his bodyguard instagrammed a picture of himself getting a haircut which lead to a lot of "likes", "favorites", and "retweets".  Additionally, the impromptu photo session lead to said barbershop being swamped with the pre-pubescent.   No word on whether the establishment has been able to air out the smell of Chanel Jr. and Lil' Dior Miss.  (On a sidenote, please check out the Team Swaggy bodyguard's twitter... https://twitter.com/KennyHamilton talk about taking yourself too seriously).

Anyway, things only got more hectic from there.  A day before the shows were to start, a poor, background dancer (a deacon in the Church of Bieber, but a celebrity to Bielibers), was accosted while going for a drink at a local convenience store.  At this point, with the concert about to kick-off, the men and women in light bluish-grey decided to step up their game.

Over 66,000 descended upon the 20,000ish capacity stadium.  The cops were ready, the ticket takers were sorta ready, Team Swaggy was ready.  And so it went...

Did the police crack down or did they catch Beauty and a beat?  I'd call it a draw.

While there were no elected officials whose safety and health were threatened by hormonal adolescents drawn to their obsession, there were numerous injuries and mild catastrophe reported.  Though, the official spokesman for the Kommune Koppers issued a statement that sounded more like they had withstood an invading army.

Which, is fair, seeing how, in the end, the chaos left one, poor Bieberian in a coma.

28-0, 6 KOs
So yeah... Bieber in Norway is no joke.

In other news, I would like to give a special kudos to Norwegian boxer, Cecilia Brækhus.  She beat Mia St. John, the former Super Welterweight champion, over the weekend by TKO.  With the victory, Brækhus retained her WBA, WBO, WPBF, and WBC welterweight titles.  At 28-0, she is one of the best, pound-for-pound fighters in the world.  A fact made even more remarkable due to the fact that Norway is one of a handful of countries with a ban on Professional Boxing.

She is also an accomplished kickboxer and has been dabbling in muay thai and may take her talents to the UFC.  Would definitely be a step up in competition (which, she hasn't gotten much of in her rampage through the boxing world) and probably an improvement in pay (the fights preceding hers were a bunch of slow, has beens/never was/never will be's slapping at each other for four rounds).  It will be interesting to see how that goes as professional mixed martial arts is also illegal here (though, there's an organization with a snazzy Facebook page working on fixing that).

Here is usually where I would write "Alt for Norge", but, in light of the violence and attempted harm going on back in America (it feels weird to watch from abroad... it's almost like its happening on another planet), I decided to switch up the message...

"We must all learn to live together as brothers or die together as fools" - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Alt for fred... Peace for all


Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Norway Question and Nights Out


So what do you think of Norway?

I get this question all the time.  It feels like a trap.  Like the person asking it is waiting for me to slip up and say something dismissive/stereotypically American/condescending so they can pounce on me.  This feeling is self-imposed.  Generally (there's exception to every rule), the person asking is genuinely interested in how an outsider perceives their country.

Still, it's a strange question.

In the states, one rarely ever deigns to ask that question to a visitor because, mostly, its assumed our country is awesome and you'd be foolish to think otherwise.  Norwegians, more often than not, feel the exact same with regards to their own country (and, really, who doesn't hold some biased fondness for their homeland?  Patriotism isn't always synonymous with nationalism nor does it always beget jingoism), but have a learned/cultured veneer of humility.

Which illustrates the most basic difference between America and Norway.  We say what you're all thinking.



Though, seriously, I don't know how to answer the question.  It's a first world country that besides being noticeably colder and speaking a different language, isn't a radical change (there are many, many, many more differences but, largely speaking, those are cosmetic).  There are good things and there are bad things, but it's not some, wholly grand paradigm distortion/destruction.  I dunno.  It's cool, I just wish there were better late night food options (this and this are not in the same league as this and this

Anyway, moving on...

This past week, I had the fortune/opportunity to go out on two, separate occasions.  One was a birthday party and the other, a Champions League game (Even in defeat, that Zlatan Ibrhamovic is sick!).  Those two, completely different events left me with two, distinct thoughts.

1) A party happens in different ways, but usually brings about the same result.  In my experience, the pattern of interactions amongst Norwegians are inverse from those of Americans.  Here, everyone is usually in small groups at the onset of the evening (as opposed to loosely mingling and making small talk with everyone in the room) and, as the night progresses and more alcohol is consumed, the members branch out and exchange with other people (as opposed to dwindling down the social set to the people, with whom, you actually care to talk).  Though, in the end, everyone drinks their share and dances (I will say that the added element of trying to dance with people who you loosely know while trying to talk to them more provides excellent "people watching" material).  Of course, the goal is to find a select few people to invite back/tag along with to a nachspiel.  The point of a nachspiel is to break out your Tevin Campbell.


2) Watching TV/Sports in bars is not a concern.  The majority of bars/pubs in the good, ol' USA have numerous TV sets that are viewable from every place and can be fine tuned to a bevy of channels.  In Norway, there is a sparse collection of bars that offer viewing options and those are quite limited in scope (though, there is about 1/100th the options of sports on television).  It took four bars to find one that offered the Champions League game (mind you, one game "Bayern vs. Juventus" was on standard cable while the "PSG vs. Barcelona" was on the premium, pay-per-view channel).  The lack of diversion means that people have to actually talk to each other.  As you would imagine, this leads to people asking and answering questions.  I will give you one guess which question I get asked the most...

On that note, if you have any questions you'd like answered about my time here in Norway, please leave it on the Facebook page!

ALT FOR NORGE




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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The return of plus degrees


In America, there are countless signs that Spring is approaching.  Baseball season starts, college kids violating State of Florida ordinances while at Spring Break, warmer temperatures, etc.

Alas, only one of those are present here in Norway (well, two... but one is well-known).

That's right, it's getting warmer.

For those of you that are too cool for metric (Hey, America... what up?), the idea of "plus degrees" (you know, above zero) may seem like its radically cold here.  However, all it means is that the weather is consistently above 32 Fahrenheit (yeah, Norway isn't a windbreaker-in-March place).

Which means the snow is melting giving us a view of all that dead grass and a smell of all the rotting leaves (leaf removal is not a priority).

BUT, as last year has taught me, after that is washed away by the rain (April showers bring May showers), things start perking up.


(Here's how you know you live in a cold place, when you Google for spring pictures, the overwhelming majority have snow in them)

Just seeing this picture, and waking up to the third straight day above 0 (2, if you're scoring at home) makes me ready to go grilling in the park.  Which is a national pastime here.  As soon as the first patches of brown-green turf emerge from the receding ice and decomposed leaves, Norwegians will throw a blanket on it and fire up the grill.  Don't let it get in the teens...


That's when the party starts... while it doesn't quite get as turned up as it does in the States


The party can jump off...


Well, maybe it does get a little crazier here.

Alt for Norge




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